Perhaps I should have taken note when I found myself penning these words back in my journal on December 7th
I am so tired. I even went to bed at eleven, as planned. but I feel completely unrested. and well. apparently I am still waiting for some super awesome prose to find its way to my finger tips instead of the ... whatever it is that keeps coming out. It's demoralizing really.
Or during the period of several days when I couldn't find it in myself to write, because I really needed to... figure out what I needed to buy/cook for the next few weeks (new dietary restrictions related food sensitivities, complicated. for another day); write a few Christmas cards; clean the oven; talk on the phone with a friend; basically do life, etc, etc...
Or really, when I got so desperate for word count when the story wasn't coming that I started counting every journal entry, every blog post, every available word that I spewed out somewhere on some page this month to bolster my word count. And my flagging spirits with it. (my current word count for the month if you include all the fluff that I pasted into my document before the reality of what I was doing actually clicked in my little brain is 16, 656. about 16, 684 words short of where I "should" be.) There really should have been some warning bells going off somewhere.
But no, it took a really great post by Chris Baty over on ...(chrisbaty.com?? except I don't see it now) that I read earlier today about writing and falling short of original goals, simmering away in the background soup of my brain for several hours, for the reality check to finally start setting in. This goal I've set is not set in stone. It's arbitrary, and it's changeable. This year crash course idea is not about crashing me. It is about my commitment to improving my writing by pushing my limits in a dedicated way in the coming year. Writing 50,000 words in November as part of Nano is something I can do and have done several times. Writing an additional 50,000 words every month for the next several months? Doable yes, but healthy? for me at this point in time? Maybe not so much. 20,000 words or 30,000 words a month may be more the speed I should be aiming for... Time for some real reassessment on just what my real goals for this project are and how I can make this coming year the productive, , stretching, invigorating writing experience it has the potential to be while remembering to keep it doable.
And look, it's almost New Year's Eve and the start of a new year crackling with possibility. The perfect time to make adjustments and shift resolutions!